Window Licking Work colleagues

It's official I work with complete turtle lickers.

I mean really how the feck are you going to come to my desk and be irate with me when you were the dumb ass who couldn't even extend the effort it takes to open the zip file and check to make sure the documents are there before you get your tampon in a twist. Do I really even have to do that for you? Should i follow you around from now on, god forbid you have to take a shit and no one is there to wipe your ass for you! How ever will you function!

While I'm on the subject of work Colleagues, who is fecking stupid enough to look at someone clearly noticing the fact that this person cannot even set a pen on her desk because it is to full of shit to do and say "I need you to do something for me, call this list of people and ask for a W-9." because obviously I'm not busy or anything -you didn't have to interrupt my furiously fast typing or the business call I was on to ask this question or anything.
I would like to bring to your attention that this is in no way something that would fall under my job responsibilities *completely frigging different department* and then, when I realize the 'list of people' is really four fecking pages long and i come to tell you I really don't have time, does it have to be done now or can i do it ON MY LUNCH, I notice you are online playing a fecking game! while talking to you kids on your cell. YES now it makes perfect sense we wouldn't want to interrupt your personal shit for business its not like your at work or anything. Make your own fecking calls!