Hey Bitches, Time to update this Shit! Nazi Generals, Dead geniuses, and Cancer (not the horoscopy kind)

Yes it would have been possible to cram a little more profanity into the title of this blog.

I am a procrastinator (Somewhat like the terminator, only I kill time) this is why it takes me so long to update this damn thing.

Anywhateverandsuch, here is a rundown of some recent events (I probably forgot some shit, but its been a long day and I've had almost no sleep so shut up)

1. I joined a gym *quite murmurs and gasps from the audience* yea I know, where did that come from?

{unrelated (to a extent) side note: conversation between me and the husbinator (I am so over using 'ator' today) last night:
Me: *looking up from random (nothing to do with this) book* I'm kind of like a Elephant.
Husbinator: *eyebrow raised* your not fat!
Me: That's not what I meant.
Husbinator: *look of complete understanding* O you mean how you never forget?
Me: Yea, well that to, but in this case I was referring to the fact that I would whore myself out for a peanut right about now *nonchalant shrug*
Husbinator: *eyebrow back up on forehead* sometimes I wonder about you.}

BACK TO 1. So this gym thing, I joined, I got a cool T-shirt (They gave me the option of Fuck Me Fuchsia, Pimping Purple, or Black. I went with black, totally coordinating with my soul and all) They also (Out of the kindness of their retched little hearts) gave me a couple training sessions with a 'personal fitness expert' her name was Julie.

At first glance you get the impression that Julie will need to run out on you early to check her Facebook, do her homework, cheerlead (or participate in one of Satan's other supported sports) She weighs about 110 on a red meat filled day while wearing a fireman suite that has been soaked in jello. AND she has a cute giggle, I mean really what kind of hard ass fitness expert has a cute giggle?! I'll tell you who....Julie (The Nazi General trained in torture) does I'm pretty sure someone I pissed of in a previous life hired her to take me out. She almost did, but I was strong I tell you! I didn't even cry until I got in my car and tried to shift it into reverse. I drove home in third gear because pushing the clutch and shifting the shifty knob thingy while watching the road (give me a break even my eyeball muscles were on fire) just took to much effort.

So I'm getting better at the not sobbing hysterically from pain at the gym thing, but I still tend to go at odd hours just to avoid 'Julie' and her cute giggle and pliers she keeps on hand to cut off toes to those who wont give her 'one more rep'.

2. To soften the childless due to PCOS/uterine and vag suckage (google it if your curious) thing we have going we adopted another dog, from a family acquaintance (unlike the husbinator and his immediate family, just because I know you doesn't mean I consider you my friend, especially if you suck) Due to the general suckage of the person we were forced to take the puppy early (she's five weeks old, and to make things better in order to 'wean' her the acquaintance was feeding her cheerios and cow milk, yes you heard that right people who know what the fuck is up, for those of you who don't a lesson (write this down) milk gives dogs/puppies very bad problems with their tums and horrible diarrhea) So now I have had a total of like 3 hours sleep in the last four days thanks to the constant where the fuck am I/who are you bastards/Where is the bitch with the cheerios whining from said puppy (Since Abe is crate trained we are trying to break her in early to, this results in more whining while were at work, so much so in fact I'm waiting on the police squad to show up in their black uniforms with glass topped shields and batons, demanding we release the prisoners we have in the basement with bamboo splints under their finger nails, courtesy of our neighbors calling them out of concern for the screaming). I am on constant Whats wrong with it/is it shitting somewhere paranoid watch.

Pet update: we have a hoard of dead geniuses in our living room, We have Abraham (currently the dog not the president), Tesla (currently the dog not the inventor), Johann (currently the fish not the composer, and Houdini (currently the hamster not the illusionist) although Houdini has managed to escape quite a few times (how he gets his fat ass out is beyond me, good news is he has a lot of fluff/fat to land on when falling out of his house/off the filing cabinet in my office.)

3. My father figure guy back on the east coast found out he has cancer. Squamous Cell Carcinoma to be exact. He's freaked, Mother's freaked, I'm kind of freaked (It would probably be worse if I wasn't emotionally challenged as the husbinator says) Don't really have much to update on this matter except they are planning on doing some Radiation and Chemo. The father figure has spent his days telling everyone he is cashing in his chips, and his nights drunk (this is the norm) calling me telling me to come across the continent and get the shit hes leaving me. I have told my father I love him approximately three times this year, the first his response was 'thank you', the second it was 'enjoy your dinner', and the third it was 'call your mother tomorrow'. This last one was right before he was admitted for a scheduled high risk surgery. I wonder where I get my lack of mushy gushy emotional skills from.

Well this is running a little long and its time to leave the 8th circle of hell (work) for the day.

later peeps (yea, I used that)