After my car tried to kill me I was attacked by a pussy.......cat

Hi there friendlies.

I know two posts in one week, your excited right.

I mentioned before that we were moving our office. Well there is a whole long bass ackwards story that goes along with that, but it’s kind of boring so I won’t get into it now.

Anywhatnotandsuch, I had a rather shitastic day yesterday. I’m in charge of the moving crap, along with another guy I work with (we work very well together so no complaints) naturally there is someone (there is always that someone, you know the one you want to throw heavy metal objects at) trying to make our lives hell, as usually they think they are in charge and are trying to dictate everything we are doing. When in fact they have nothing AT ALL to do with the move, and that’s not just me my boss clarified that yesterday. Of course it didn’t deter the guy one bit. So you get the point my day sucked.

Then as I am driving home, on possibly one of the worst streets through one of the worst neighborhoods in the city (or so I was told numerous times) all of a sudden there is all this noise from under my car. It sounds like kkkkkkrrrrrrrrkkksssshhhhhhhhhIAMFALLINGAPARTRIGHTTHISFUCKINGMINUTEPULLOVERDUMBASSrrrruuuushhhhhhchhhhchhk.

So I pulled off into a parking lot and got out of the car (now I am told this was a stupid move in this neighborhood but look at it from my prospective.) I’m from Baltimore they usually have one of if not the highest murder rates in the country. And now I’m in a nice Oklahoma town with a bunch of hicks, I don’t see getting out of the car in a questionable neighborhood a bad idea.

So I’m talking to my mom (who’s still in Maryland) when this starts I end the call with something like “cars going to explode, bad neighborhood, call later if still alive.” You have to love your kids people! So I get out and…….

I should probably mention that a while back my exhaust disconnected from my muffler and now my car sounds like a little Mexican race machine. It helps the image that it’s a Honda.

So, naturally the comics’ of the universe or the car gods or whatever was on duty yesterday decided to fuck with me. I get out and my muffler is hanging of the back of my car by a small metal hook.

It took like fifteen minutes and of course I was in a skirt and fancy shoes (and it was windy, Monroe moment anyone) but eventually I got it off the car completely. I didn’t get raped or pillaged but then again I probably scared anyone off who was thinking of it when they saw me beating the shit out of my car while screaming fuck in three different languages.

My muffler is now in my trunk.

SIDE NOTE: thanks to my favorite author Christopher Moore, I have come across this dating site. Although I don’t need their services right now the concept is awesome! But then again it involves zombies so why wouldn’t it be.

So I get home and the husbinator arrives from school (which btw he graduates after four long years in a couple weeks, so proud *wiping tear away*) and I am notified that we have dinner plans with two of the guys.

I get ready and when I come out of the bedroom the husbinator is all huffy and puffy and like “lets go now, we have to go to my sisters”

Back story here is one of his sisters (his twin to be exact) broke up with her asshole, Uhh I mean boyfriend lately and gave him thirty days to get out.

So what had happened was, the husbinators mother called flipping out telling him he needed to get over there ASAP that the asshole was giving his twin problems and wouldn’t leave blah blah blah. So we get there and the asshole hasn’t even been there, the twin is pissed we are there cause she doesn’t want drama (I know I was like no drama? You have met your family right!)

So we move the assholes shit to right outside the front door and he eventually shows up and starts hauling it away. Quietly I might add, and then the husbinators mother has to go outside get on her phone and start running her mouth about the asshole to anyone who will listen while he’s right in front of her. (She’s Mexican so half of it is in Spanish)

So we finally get crazy I mean my mother-in-law inside and she starts mouthing again the twin is in tears because of her so I was like “yo hommie step it back a notch and chillax” that went over real well and she got all “I’m the boss of everyone don’t tell me to chillax you twat” (I may be adlibbing here)

So at this point were both ready to go and I go in the bedroom to tell the twin bye, she has her cat Meowy (real name SATAN) in there and it starts hissing at me, due to my vet experiences (used to work with one) I slowly start to back out of the room so it will back off, and it fucking lunges at me. It attached itself to my leg and sunk its teeth in. I screamed like an idiot and flung it off my leg.

I’m leaving now and the twin goes “O poor Meowy” WTF “and she’s sick to, I hope she didn’t get hurt just now when you flung her” ß I’m assuming she meant ‘when she tried to amputate my leg’ here. So I find out Satan has been barfing non stop and has been having some other kitty medical issues, that haven’t been seen by a professional yet.

Great!

I think I have rabies.

If my posts start showing up all ahbgdjsbgfuysgfadhbfksdgfcsbhd….meow you know whats up.

~*~Toodles~*~