I want to add a note before I start rambling: I am aware that most of what I write and consider shoes (issues) are probably insignificant compared to some peoples shoes. But I would like to point out that someones shoes who may seem piddly and small to you may be the biggest shoes they own, everyone has shoes. Since this is my bloggidy blog I reserve the right to bitch complain and moan about my shoes......
I need direction in my life. (feel free to leave some in the comments *charming smile*)
Here is some of what I have going on right now:
- Although I am told I am a most excellent office wench, I really don't think I want to do it for the rest of my life. I have been having quite a few shoes with my job lately, more so then usual with this new move crap we did.
- My lady bits are still fucking with me.
- I have been somewhat depressed lately due to work, housework, feelings of going nowhereness (probably not a word)
Some options:
I can suck it up and wait for the mean whore I work with to retire so I can get her job and be a well paid office wench for the rest of my life. (I think she will probably die here just so I don't get a promotion, she really loves me)
I can go to school (I am leaning towards this) and major in something I really want to do for the rest of my life. It would take about three years give or take to get my associates degree. I would of course have to continue working at hell for the majority of those three years. (I could possibly cut down to part time at the jobstead depending on how much of a raise the husbinator gets when he gets his journeyman's license, which he should be taking the test soon.) On the flip side, I think I may be overestimating my ability to multitask like a mother fucker and handle hell, school, and the Cinderella details awaiting me at home. All while making sure the husbinator is happy and content.
I have a lady bit dr appt. next week, she is going to ask how everything is going (I was put on metformin last year to regulate my insulin, menstrual cycles, and hopefully help me get knocked up) She is going to suggest that the husbinator go jack off in a cup, then I go on fertility drugs. Since my health insurance sucks ass all of that will be out of pocket *throwing tomatoes at that idea* "boooo!" So my options will be take the drugs (this would most likely leave me leaning towards staying at hell and waiting for the whore to retire.) go on birth control so my periods and hormones don't end up more fucked then they are (I don't want to do this because it feels like I'm giving up on getting pregnant, plus I don't think the husbinator will be cool with this, he is very pro-baby at this point) or I can ask to remain on the metformin because it does help me feel better and apparently I am optimistic (go figure) about getting knocked up. O yea, the boss guy gave me a crib the other day. I was all like "thanks but I'm just fat" and hes all like, you will have a baby soon so you will have it when your ready.
So what the shit do I do????
Go to school!! Find your passion and chase it. All the money in the world cannot replace the sheer joy of waking up every morning knowing that you're going to spend the day doing something that you love. Period.
ReplyDeleteI have zero advice for your lady bits, though. But if your health is being compromised for the possibility of fertilizing the womb, you have to ask yourself: Is it really worth it? Husband has to understand on this one. Its your well-being on the line, not his. Also, it'll be easier to go to school without baby on board. Take the time to get your life where you want it. Then deal with the baby idea.