Shit My Mouth Says (without my brains written consent)

Hello there invisible friendlies *waves*

I have four sister-in-laws (SIL) I like on average 1-3/4 of them.

I usually number them based on age:
SIL#1 - she appears here watching manparts
SIL#2 - she appears here with her demon cat
SIL#3 - this post revolves around her
SIL#4 - she appears here, where her uterus makes me all stabby-Mac-stab-stab

I'm not sure I have ever liked SIL#3. I must say I am really not a fan of that disaster. Husbinator and I recently had a discussion and came to the conclusion that if neither one of us were related to her, we would hate her.

She has always been a cunt!

It has gotten worse since I had babynator. She has wanted a baby (at least that is what we all had been assuming was her problem) for awhile. Every time someone was pregnant she would find a reason to be a bitch and hate them. When SIL#4 was pregnant the first time she vocalized her need to "push her down the stairs" in front of the entire family. When her Best Friend Forever (BFF) was pregnant they fought; during both pregnancies. The first time because SIL#3 showed the BFF's husband her tits, the second time because SIL#3 slept with her trainer right before she was to get married and told the BFF about it, who, in turn told her husband who happened to be SIL#3's fiances' BFF.

She made it through my whole pregnancy without pissing me off, then about three weeks after I delivered my little bundle of up-all-night, she stepped over the line. She is forever pushing everyone around to get her way (example: the fiance she cheated on is now her husband). It was over something incredibly stupid, she showed up at my house without notice with a sofa we didn't have room for or need. Demanding we make room ASAP and unload it. Needless to say I was sleep deprived and my tits were killing me from trying to feed the kid. I told her very calmly that she need to take a step back and look at the situation, I was not like the rest of her family and wasn't going to be pushed around by her. I wasn't rude, I didn't call her any names all I did was say she was pushy and needed to be less so with me.

She didn't speak to me or the husbinator for four months. She is still waiting on an apology, which she will not get because I said nothing that I am sorry for. She just got all butt-hurt because I called her out.

Since then we have seen each other several times, there is no longer any tension (or there wasn't).

Now both SIL#3 and SIL#1 are pregnant. SIL#3 is always going on about how horrible my parenting is (she has no children). There are some gem's she throws out, and they are always based on me doing something different from her BFF (they are now butt buddies again).

Now that I have laid out all the background I'll explain my mouth's lack of filter. I am pretty snarky and quick to reply, over the years I have gotten good and keeping it to myself but sometimes things just POP out.

Examples:

1.  After a particularly long session of SIL#3 telling me her BFF is such a better mother then me and how she will do everything exactly like her BFF when she has her baby, I zoned out and my mouth seized the opportunity:
SIL#3: "and I will do it exactly like BFF does, not the way you it because BFF is a better mother!" <-EXACT fucking words, no ad libbing. I know right!
My mouth: "You should open the church of (BFF's name), since you worship her so much."
SIL#3: *open-mouthed fish impersonation*

2.  SIL#1's baby shower, where SIL#3 is making a scene because she has been asked to help carry gifts to the car. (this was in a very posh museum btw) Then freaking out because her mother wanted to look in the gift shop before leaving (she was giving her mother a ride). I offered to take my Mother-in-law home and help, this conversation happened:
Me: "I can take mom home and carry the gifts to the car. It's no problem don't worry about it, just go home and relax."
SIL#3: "I have things to do, I shouldn't have to wait on anybody. This is stupid. SIL#1 is taking forever saying goodbye to these people. I don't care if you want to take them, take them." (RECAP, It is SIL#1's baby shower, those people she's saying goodbye to are her guests)
My mouth: "Do you think you will deliver the stick when you deliver the baby?"
 IT SHOULD STOP THERE BUT
SIL#3: "what stick" *confused look* (she is the dumb SIL, it's a good fucking thing she's pretty)
My mouth: "the one up your ass." *serious face*

See I can't take my mouth anywhere. *sigh*

Disclaimer: I can be a biznatch...obviously.
:o)

~*~ Toodles ~*~